Diners are great. Chocolate chip pancakes and buttermilk fried chicken at 9 p.m.! Veal parmesan at the crack of dawn! Burnt buttered toast whenever! But please, for the love of Jean Valjean’s crustacean counterpart, have enough respect for yourself to never, ever order diner lobster. Because more likely than not the lobster has been living in his tank for 40 years, has a young daughter named Clawsette, and will literally be protected by a barricade built by the diner’s staff. Do you hear the lobster scream / Screaming the scream of scalding flames? If you don’t, you’re such a Javert.

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