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Pop quiz! If you were a talented computer hacker and you got the opportunity to sneak into the email account of a famous and wealthy rapper, thus granting you access to many of his accounts, what would you do?

A) Find a way to send yourself money.
B) Leak music.
C) DM the woman his wife is accused of assaulting allegedly in retaliation for sleeping with him “Miss u fr,” wait half a day and then tweet “I’m gay y’all.”

If you chose C, you may be the hacker Cardi B and Offset are looking for. After Tekashi 6ix9ine’s girlfriend, Sarah “Jade” Wattley, revealed a late-night Instagram DM from Offset on Tuesday, deeply uncreative, sexually explicit tweets were published from his Twitter account. Now, Cardi B and Offset are saying the occurrences were the result of a hack. But things between Jade, Offset, and Cardi B are just too complicated to let this alleged hack slide. So, here’s what’s really happening with Offset’s hack, Cardi B, and Jade.

Who is Jade and why is Offset DMing her? 
First question, easy. Jade, also known as “__ohsoyoujade” on Instagram is Tekashi 6ix9ine’s girlfriend, if you couldn’t tell from her massive tattoo of his face. They both love a subtle tattoo. Jade works at Angels Strip Club in Queens, New York. If you ask Offset, he did not slip n’ slide into her DMs late Monday night. But if you ask Jade, he was absolutely in there, splashing around, saying “Miss u fr.” Tuesday afternoon, Jade posted a video of her phone screen (not to be confused with a screen recording) showing the unopened DM from the middle of the night.

“Your wife @iamcardib has a OPEN CRIMINAL CASE , why are you writing me you don’t respect her ???????” Jade captioned the video of her opening the DM. “Theirs a lot of sh*t I haven’t exposed yet , but there’s a time for that I’m the QUEEN of talking sh*t now I’m backing it up.”

Wait, Cardi B has an open criminal case?
Against Jade! Last year, Cardi B surrendered herself to the NYPD due to her involvement in an assault at Angels Strip Club in Queens. Two Angels bartenders, the aforementioned Jade and her co-worker Baddie Gi, accused Cardi B of throwing a bottle at them and getting her entourage to attack them in August 2018. Now, investigators are determining whether or not Cardi B was involved. TMZ reported that Jade also sustained injuries in a separate attack from Cardi B at the same strip club. (This web gets all the more tangled when you remember that Cardi B was one of the many, many, many people that Tekashi 6ix9ine snitched on in court.)

Do we think it’s because Cardi B thought Offset was cheating with Jade?
Well, Nicki Minaj thinks so. Minaj, who has openly feuded with Cardi B in the past and is not what we would call a reliable source, claimed on Queen Radio that Cardi B incited fights because of Offset’s infidelity. “You getting girls beat up because of what your man’s doing?” the rapper said on Queen Radio, following her own fight with Cardi B. “Who are you angry at, sweetheart? You got these women crying and scared to leave their house.” [sips tea]

Alright, well, that’s for the courts to decide. How can Offset deny alley-ooping into Jade’s DMs? We see the video! 
The Migo claims those DMs are the result of a hack and he has his own video of a phone screen to prove it.

“Go to my email, boom. Somebody hacked one of my emails that’s connected to all my sh*t. And that’s how I got hacked from the jump,” Offset said in a video posted to Cardi B’s Instagram story. “I’ve been having a good weekend. I wake up to the bullsh*t. I’m with my family. I ain’t on no stupid sh*t.”

The email in the video, however, is an email from Instagram replying to Offset’s report that his account has been hacked. Not exactly conclusive evidence. He also provided a video showing direct messages from a fan letting him know that an account has been posting leaked music for months. As of writing, Offset still has not regained access to his Instagram account, though he claims Google, Facebook, and Twitter are all on looking into his supposedly compromised accounts.

It’s 2019 and you’re telling me Offset got hacked because he has the same passwords for all his accounts? And no multi-factor authentication?
The technical specifics aren’t clear, but would anyone really be surprised if Offset’s passwords were all “kulture0710?”

I know Cardi B is mad at this fool. 
Well …

What did Cardi B say about Offset getting hacked?
On Tuesday, Cardi posted (then deleted, RIP) a video on her Instagram, reiterating the hack story, and stressing that everything is good between her and her husband (for now).

“Hey guys, so as you can see, this guy’s Instagram has been hacked,” she said. “We look crazy, we just woke up. We’ve been sick throughout the whole damn night […] Anyways, you know, I know babe, you’ve done some dumb shit. Everybody knows he’s done some dumb shit. But come on now, [he’s] not dumb, he’s not crazy, we’ve been so good, we had a sweet weekend, our life has been good, he’s not going to play himself like that. That’s why I’m not going to entertain that, that’s why I’m not getting rowdy. Simple as that.”

Does this have anything to do with Offset’s recent tweets?
Oh, baby, it has everything to do with Offset’s recent tweets. Shortly after Jade posted her video exposing Offset, some interesting tweets appeared on his account.

Offset, of course, is attributing this to the hack as well.

But the tweets weren’t sent until after Jade posted the DM … which “the hacker” sent in the middle of the night? 
That’s exactly what Jade thought. “The hack started after you got exposed,” she wrote on her Instagram story. “Why it didn’t start at 1 am?”

This is some clownery.
No, this is high-stakes cyber crime! Just kidding, it’s clownery.

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